Real Pastors Wives

Never Forsaken

In Psalm 22:1, King David asked the question, "My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?"  This particular passage was, of course, also quoted by Christ while He was suffering on the cross for our sin.  

I don't know about you, but I have to confess that since I've been a pastor's wife, I've pondered that question several times.  Being misunderstood, feeling lonely and dealing with rejection, has, at times, left me feeling abandoned by God. Sometimes it has seemed as if He brought me out to the middle of nowhere, in a minuscule mountain town, and left me for dead.  All I wanted to do was serve Him faithfully and obediently.  And this is what I ended up with?  Really? 

Yes, really.  I am reminded of our Lord's words that in this world we will have trouble (John 16:33).  That was not a "maybe" or a "what if."  No, it was almost as if He promised us that as His devoted followers, trials will come our way.  But I'm encouraged by the words at the end of that verse which read, " But take heart! I have overcome the world."  Those words give me hope!  Everyone living on earth will assuredly go through trials and struggles, but as followers of Christ, we can take courage in knowing that He has overcome all of the stuff that so easily weighs us down and entangles us!  We must remember that He even overcame the insurmountable trial of death! 

The Lord isn't surprised when we're rejected because of our service to Him. Feelings of being totally forsaken don't shock Him.  In fact, He understands fully what is is like to feel lonely and misunderstood.  I was just re-reading through Matthew's account of the events that occurred at the Garden of Gethsemane.  Talk about feeling complete and utter loneliness.  Here was Jesus, just asking several friends to watch and pray, which seems easy enough, and yet they just couldn't do it.  

Just as Christ was in no way forsaken, neither are we.  No matter what our emotions may dictate is true, the absolute truth remains that He will never leave us or forsake us (Deut. 31:6).  In that, I find tremendous comfort.  As I prepare to reflect tomorrow, Good Friday, on the sacrifice made by Christ on behalf of all of humanity, I am overwhelmed with gratitude that He has never, nor will He ever turn His back on His children.  Our God is faithful and loves us more deeply than we will ever be able to comprehend.  Those truths lift my spirit and lighten my heart.  Even on the days that I feel trapped in the mountains.  I pray that today, the truth of having Christ as a faithful, trustworthy, steady friend will bring joy to your heart and a song to your spirit as well.  

 

 

 

 

Becoming Friends With The Pastor's Wife

 

For the past several Sundays, a woman at church has asked me about getting together for lunch.   Much to my dismay I agreed to meet her for lunch today.  Now, it's not that I don't like this woman, on the contrary, I think she's delightful.  But my recent experiences over the past five years have taught me that if any lady in the church wants to have a one on one sit down with me over lunch, it's because she wants to complain about the church, me, my husband, other women in the body, etc. etc.  I'm sure you get the picture.

So, I dawdled all morning long, dreading the afternoon confrontation I was anticipating.  And before I knew it, it was fifteen minutes before I needed to meet her.   Sensing my anxiety, my husband prayed with me and told me if anything was really bad, to politely dismiss myself.  Well, I knew I couldn't do that for fear of being perceived as weak.   So, I geared myself up to sit through what I thought was going to be a tongue lashing.  

Unaware of this lady's motives, I arrived at the restaurant with my guard up.  I prayed for the Lord to give me strength and grace to handle whatever this woman had to say.  I cautiously got out of my car, only to notice she had reserved a table for us on the patio.  I absolutely adore al fresco dining!  I was thinking to myself, this might not be half bad.  

I greeted her, sat down, and began to speculate as to the reason for this lunch. Then I noticed the warmth of the sun on my shoulders.  I couldn't help listening as the birds sang their praise songs to the Lord of creation, while the fragrance of new blossoms lingered in the air.  Yet, in spite of the happiness those things brought to me heart, my guard must remain intact.

After several minutes of listening to this woman, who is incidentally my Mom's age, talk about the Lord and grace and how she's seeing God move in her family, I began to get restless.  I couldn't help wondering when the boom was going to fall.  I wondered what her M.O. was.  

Before I knew it, our food had arrived, and I continued to listen as she shared stories of her ministry to battered women.  My mind wouldn't rest.  I began to suspect all of the small talk was a way to help me relax before she blasted me.  

My husband called about forty minutes in to the lunch to check on me and I assured him I was okay.  I had no idea if I would be okay by the time the lunch ended, but at that moment I was okay.  

Both of us ate our meals, which were fantastic, everything is better when eaten outside, and she continued to share.  Then, she stopped and asked what was new in my life and asked about my children and how homeschooling was going.  That was kinda funny.  No one ever bothers to ask me such questions, besides my Mom. It was almost as if she really wanted to know.   I was careful how I answered, not wanting to betray myself by revealing anything that could be potentially incriminating.  I certainly couldn't let her know my struggles as being the pastor's wife, my thoughts about quitting homeschooling, or about the fit I had thrown the night before when I dyed my hair and the color came out darker than usual.  

I had to admit, she seemed genuine and after an hour and a half of talking, my guard finally started to come down.  She didn't mention the church for the entire two hours we spent together, except for one comment about a lady in the church who she wants to become friends with.  

That's when it occurred to me! I had a lightbulb moment! That's what this lunch was all about.  Of course!  No wonder she had been so kind to me.  She just wanted to have an afternoon of fellowship with another sister in Christ.  I began to realize, she hasn't had the time to make friends since moving to our area because she takes care of her grandsons and her daughter.  What a fool I had been.  She invited me to lunch just because she wanted to spend time with me.  She wanted me to be her friend.  No hidden motives.  No agenda.  Just a simple gesture of friendship.  

I can't help but wonder what has happened to my heart to make it so cynical.  What a tragedy that I allowed my paranoia to rob me of what could've been an even sweeter time that it was.  How blessed I feel that this woman wanted to spend time with me, because I'm me.  It seems like it's been forever since someone has been truly interested in me and not what I can do for them.  What a tremendous blessing! 

I believe it's so easy to become guarded and cynical after a period of time in ministry.  But for me, this was a wake up call.  Everyone's not out to get me, even though some Sundays it sure can seem like it.  I need to rest in the Lord in every situation.  Maybe the next lunch someone invited me to will turn out to be a tongue lashing, but maybe not.  At any rate, I need to rest in Him and His all sufficient strength and allow Him to bless me through people in the Body.  I look forward to the next time when this lady and I can have lunch again!

Be encouraged, there are people in your church, who really do like you :)

Let's Be Real!

"He bears a cross, not that you may escape it, but that you may endure it.  Christ exempts you from sin, but not from sorrow." - C.H. Spurgeon

Lately, I've been spending a lot of time reading Spurgeon; his sermons, his daily devotional and a lot of blog posts about him.  And I'm truly encouraged as I look at his life and how the Lord used him to reach so many for the sake of the Gospel. Yet, he struggled with despair and at times debilitating depression.  I even read that he tried to resign his church 32 times!  And I thought I wanted to get out of ministry!

After reading the above quote in my devotions this morning, my heart was stirred. Jesus never promised ease and leisure on this earth.  In fact, he promised that we'd face trouble (John 16:33)  So why is it, we're so taken back when things don't go our way?  Why is it we believe that as followers of Christ, we should be exempt from encountering sorrow or disappointment on this earth?

It irks me that in so many Christian circles, we feel the need to "put on a happy face." The message many Christians seem to push is that, with Christ, life should be pure bliss.  No more problems, sorrows will melt away, and the cares of this world, why they should simply evaporate. Yet, nothing could be further from the truth or further from Scripture.  

In my humble opinion, it's time to pull off our "Christian" happy face masks and be real with each other.  It's okay to struggle with our faith, our emotions and our relationships; even relationships with people in the church.  It's okay that we're not perfect; Christ never asked or expected us to be.  The Apostle Paul writes about working out our salvation with fear and trembling (Phil. 2:12).  Sanctification is a process, not a destination.  Yet, why are there so many believers who seem to have already arrived?  When in reality, I think they cover their true feelings, embarrassed that anyone in the church should know who they really are.

I believe our churches are filled with women who are hurting, broken and desperate for something real. Women who are depressed, full of anxiety and empty on the inside.  Women who don't know how they can face another day.  Women who are going through tremendous difficulties and hardships.  In fact, I've been one of those women. Yet, when they look around, how many feel condemned because they could never live up to the expectations of the Christians around them?  So, they never seek out help from their sisters in Christ.  The church should provide a place of refuge for those who are struggling. Yet sadly, many times we dole out more condemnation than comfort.  

The beauty of the cross isn't exemption from problems or struggles, but strength to go through the trials and emerge victorious on the other side.  Strength to stand on the work of the cross and find freedom from sin.  This is the message we must convey to the women filling our sanctuaries Sunday morning and Wednesday nights. They need to experience freedom by knowing they are not alone in their struggles and there is hope and comfort for them in Christ.  It's time to stop giving pat answers and instead to start giving an attentive ear.  I'm convinced women want to be heard and accepted for who they are more than anything else.  The world bombards us with messages of our inadequacy and yet many Christians in the church are guilty of doing the same thing, myself included.  Our churches need to be filled with authentic, genuine, women of God who minister in compassion to the broken around us.  We don't need to pretend like everything is "peachy" even when it's not. 

Jesus never once pretended.  When he was angry, he showed it.  When happy, He expressed it.  When sorrowful, lonely, and weary, He allowed others to see it in His countenance.  

I'm so grateful that Charles Spurgeon was real and transparent in his thoughts and emotions.  He wasn't afraid to be "seen."  Examples like him, enable me to feel free to be real as well.  As Christian women, Pastor's wives and leaders in the church, we all need to be real and in doing so allow the women around us to be real as well!  

Lord Jesus, thank you for giving us strength to endure through life's trials and hardships.  Thank you for Your love poured out on the cross to cover our transgressions.  Thank you for making life bearable, even when it's really difficult.   Teach us what it means to be real. Use us to comfort those who mourn and to restore those trapped in sin.  Help us to love and not judge.   Teach us to love one another.  Lord, use us as Your vessels to share hope with the world around us.  In Christ's Name, Amen.